Because it is easier to lose your anger

.....because it is easier to lose your anger than to contain your anger,

sometimes I feel that I am stupid when I didn't get angry because 'people' said,
"why you have to be nice? you have to be rude to them because otherwise they won't do their job."
"if you keep on being nice, they will take advantage of you."

I am not stupid. I just do not want to be angry and I believe we can still get things done even we by being nice we need to do extra work and have more frustration.

Most of the time I am glad I haven't shouted to anybody yet, because I will regret it later. I feel that the feeling is worse.



But today I am so angry.
I wanted to shout to people who sent patient for reference to wrong doctor. (I have been in the opposite side and get scolding)
I wanted to shout to patient that has very low tolerance to pain that it make it hard for me to do her dressing because she will move her foot and if you hold the foot, she started to move her leg then her whole body will be twisted around, the betadine will soaked on the bed, the wound get contaminated and I can't even do her dressing properly and she still has the nerve to ask me how long this wound will heal. how many days? ( I wanted to give one stare at her, raise my voice a bit and walk off after giving her the gloves and dressing tray and ask her to do it herself.)
I wanted to say not-nice-things to people who demanded me to do his work when all this while I kept my voice down because I am doing him a favor. For a month. And to make it worse I wanted him to do it himself tomorrow because I want to take leave but not granted.

I try to reason with myself. I know that it is bad to lose your temper. After all the strongest man is the one who can control his anger but today I am so frustrated. Oh God!
I wanted the people know what they are doing is wrong. I don't want them to take advantage of the 'nice' me but when I think about it, maybe those people does not deserve it, you know. I mean if we keep on thinking like this, everybody will shout to anybody. ( ...like that hasn't happened yet *rolling eyes*)


Ya Allah, help me to control my anger, grant me sabr like Rasulullah when he dealed with people, grant me wisdom to choose righteous path over foolishness.

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge,dig two graves.” 

― Confucius

medical scolding

I saw this post in facebook,

*saw the picture*

SOL?

*thinking*

SOL=space occupying lesion

ouch!

and then I found myself laughing and hurting a little bit inside. I didn't know that being scolded with medical terms are even more painful than to be called idiot, stupid, donkey etc.



nota kaki:

• hyper-resonance brain = empty skull
• low apgar = poor response
• low gcs = could be drowsy/delirium/stupor/coma 
• some were even called anenchephalus (condition where the fetus has no brain developed in utero)
• "You think only at your sacral plexus level!"

Disappears....

....slowly, 

and all at once.

Andai sahaja masa sifatnya seperti angin,
pasti segala rasa yang hancur berkecai ---hilang,
seperti debu yang terbang berserakan.

Andai sahaja air mata persis hujan,
pasti empangan jiwa pecah,
melenyapkan semua yang pernah wujud.

Andai sahaja hati mahu tunduk,
memaafkan dan bisa terus sayang,
pasti perasaan tidak sesakit ini.

page 301 of 305

     “When I’ve thought about him dying—which admittedly isn’t that much—I always thought of it like you said, that all the strings inside him broke. But there are a thousand ways to look at it: maybe the strings break, or maybe our ships sink, or maybe we’re grass—our roots so interdependent that no one is dead as long as someone is still alive. We don’t suffer from a shortage of metaphors, is what I mean. But you have to be careful which metaphor you choose, because it matters. If you choose the strings, then you’re imagining a world in which you can become irreparably broken. If you choose the grass, you’re saying that we are all infinitely interconnected, that we can use these root systems not only to understand one another but to become one another. The metaphors have implications. Do you know what I mean?” 

    She nods. 

     “I like the strings. I always have. Because that’s how it feels. But the strings make pain seem more fatal than it is, I think. We’re not as frail as the strings would make us believe. And I like the grass, too. The grass got me to you, helped me to imagine you as an actual person. But we’re not different sprouts from the same plant. I can’t be you. You can’t be me. You can imagine another well—but never quite perfectly, you know? 

     “Maybe it’s more like you said before, all of us being cracked open. Like, each of us starts out as a watertight vessel. And these things happen—these people leave us, or don’t love us, or don’t get us, or we don’t get them, and we lose and fail and hurt one another. And the vessel starts to crack open in places. And I mean, yeah, once the vessel cracks open, the end becomes inevitable. Once it starts to rain inside the Osprey, it will never be remodeled. But there is all this time between when the cracks start to open up and when we finally fall apart. And it’s only in that time that we can see one another, because we see out of ourselves through our cracks and into others through theirs. When did we see each other face-to-face? Not until you saw into my cracks and I saw into yours. Before that, we were just looking at ideas of each other, like looking at your window shade but never seeing inside. But once the vessel cracks, the light can get in. The light can get out.”

sneak peek from Paper Towns: well this is almost the ending though.
remember I once said something about cracked vessel? [here]