option and probability

dulu pernah dengar ceramah motivasi peperiksaan. err, motivasi kecemerlangan? tak ingat pulak orang panggil apa. kem motivasi kot.....

katanya, bila nak jawab soalan objektif, mula dengan menggariskan kata kunci. kemudian buang/eliminate pilihan jawapan yang dah trang tang tang salah.
Rational:

• the probability of one out of two answer options being correct is 50% or 1/2.
• the probability of one out of four answer options being correct is 25% or 1/4.

nampak tak macam mana rasional di sebalik pengurangan pilihan tu. supaya kebarangkalian untuk dapat jawapan yang tepat itu lagi tinggi.

ok....

but what if to choose between LIFE or DEATH? you really have to choose between those two and you really don't know what to choose because you have no clue of which option will leads to life and which one will cause death.

maybe it is easier if you are to choose from a range of options and the answer would be probably on the scale of 1 to 10. no clear demarcation of what is good and what is bad. maybe you will end up at 8 which is not half bad. maybe 5 to be just average. but the point is, in this situation it will be less of mental stress and emotional unstability because it is not A or B. not correct or wrong. not win or lose. not living or being the dead. maybe the probability fact won't hit you that hard. 

say P(x)=50% and you by chance choose the wrong answer. maybe you would say, "i wish i choose the other one so that i will get the marks." then, you will be depressed and blame yoursellf and fate. kata dah bertawakal sepenuhnya pada Allah, ni apa kes pulak cenggini?

and when P(x)=25%, the stress wouldn't be too much. if you choose the wrong answer, you would say i might choose between another 2 wrong answers, so there's no much different and if you happened to select the correct option, you say you being so lucky! eh, mana perginya konsep rezeki (kejayaan/ kekayaan/ kemenangan etc) daripada Allah?

tentang pilihan. suratan atau kebetulan? kebarangkalian?

ISLAM.

I am very very glad that this is the only option.

so that there will be no doubt to embrace the truth.

no probabilty to be associated with. just have to deal with the constant fluctuation of iman.

nota kaki:

• tetiba teringat pasal probability ni sebab asyik dok tembak je jawapan MCQ. ooo la di daaa~
• pilihan raya pun boleh kira jugak ke guna sistem kebarangkalian ni? o.O

your character says a lot of things

"we cannot sacrifice ethics for victory. we cannot sacrifice good characters for victory."

a story that i listened from one legacy radio. a great story indeed.

there was once when i was studying in Oklahoma. one day there was a woman trying to carry lots of stuff i.e. computer, projector etc. so here a guy who saw this happened, he went to the lady and help her to carry those things to communication building. 

after that she said,"can i ask you something? are you a muslim?" 

"yes, i am." answered the young man. a bit puzzled. 

"i knew it! i know that how you guys are." 

it was something huge because he went back crying. happy tears.

some people has this mindset, muslim=good character. after all, we are supposed to follow the sunnah of Rasulullah s.a.w. and he is nothing but the walking al-Quran. a perfect example.


"ya Allah, sempurnakanlah iman kami, sempurnakanlah akhlak kami."

moment #11

"tahu tak, tadi saya baca buku tiba-tiba pandangan jadi gelap!"

"apa jadi?"

"retinal detachment?" (mentang esok exam mata)

"blackout? pitam?"

"...maybe its the sun." maklumlah dah malam pun.

"tak lah! saya tertidur..hehehe"

(-_-)"

Dila says:
tomorrow i'll be having my final exam for third year. it feels so unreal when past 1 year has been so relaxing, honeymoon year said them.

takut exam.yes.
tapi lagi menakutkan adalah lepas ni masuk final year. all this while never thought that it would be this fast. been thinking that i'll have more time to 'adjust' in this course. fuhhh~ i'd say we're falling into quicksand, baby! don't panic and lay on your back. pray hard to Allah that we will survived. biiznillah, another 2 years plus a few months to go. lagi tak boleh bayang macam mana, sebab lepas tu dah kena diagnosis dan rawat orang sakit.. history, DDx, Dx, Rx etc.. ok, muntah sekarang!

Allahu Rabbi! strengthen the heart of this weak soul.



Allah says:
"Is not God enough for His servant? But they try to frighten thee with other (gods) besides Him! For such as God leaves to stray, there can be no guide."
(Quran, 39:36)

wordless wednesday #18

esok dah exam!

All the Best for myself..
bittaufiq wannajah, dila!
have faith in Allah.
selamat balik malaysia lepas exam.

Theory Examination

27/12/2012

Ophthalmology

28/12/2012

Otorhinolaryngology (ENT)

29/12/2012

Community Medicine I

31/12/2012

Community Medicine II

Practical Examination

5, 7 & 8 January 2013

nota kaki:

• poyo je tulis ucapan buat diri sendiri. hahaha XD
• moga dipermudahkan segala urusan. ameen~

defining definition

It is funny when we are trying hard to define every single things in our lifes, when in fact that some of the things are subjected to the feeling which an individual perceives. An attempt to define an abstract subject is merely trying to objectify an abstract painting where the true value lies in the eyes that see it, not according to the price tag nor depends on the average opinion.

True value of a human being is not by just being normal, for normal is nothing but average. To define a single soul with similar labels like the other is injustice. How would it feel to be treated as a product of mass production, same quality which deserve the same treatment? Fair enough for you?

When you are trying hard to define yourself, to let people hear your inner voice, to be heard even if it means that you are being different from society, you are proned to jugdement and liable to be treated like a stranger.  Yes, you choose to be that strange! You want to give up? But you said repeatedly that you do not want to be just average. You want to be something else, you want to define yourself and yet now you are running away?

Say, people are being nice but the one who judge you is yourself. Would you have different opinion? Would you stand tall against the ‘person’ that you believed  to know you well?

...

...

...



Say, Bismillah and choose your path. May Allah be with you. Always.






nota kaki:

• Too much of definition in the book to be remembered makes me ramble like this. TT_TT <--- mak aih, apa benda yang kau ‘ramble’ ni dila? (said the ‘other person’ in me)

wordless wednesday #17

there's nothing special about tulip. neither it is a big flower nor a significant symbol of something.
but i love it.

moments #10

"kau beli buku ape ni?" sambil belek-belek bungkusan yang tak nampak isi kat dalam.

"One Hundred Names."

"buku nama baby eh?" sengih. terbayang mungkin la nak cari nama bakal anak sedara ke.. nama anak ke

"...buku Cecelia Ahern la!" jawab dengan muka pelik. senyum pun macam konpius sikit..

"oooo...haha~" jalan balik bilik.

nota kaki:

• cover buku dia lawa.

moments #9

conversation in whatsapp group which i choose to be a spectator and smile widely across the continent.

"tak tido lagi ke? dah lewat dah." jam di Malaysia menunjukkan 1.20 pagi.

"tak. tengah kerja ni. awak pulak tengah buat ape?" pelik memandangkan yang bertanya juga belum tidur.

"tengah oncall dekat department Obstetric&Gynaecology."

"ooo.. tengah tunggu orang beranak la ni eh?" 

*    *    *    *   *

"penatlah kerja kita ni.. kenapa lah kita pilih ni dulu kan?" rasa berat dan terbeban barangkali.

" Rezeki!" jawab orang di seberang sambil tunjuk muka senyum =)

"ooh.. haha~ yalah!" 

nota kaki:

• jawapan ringkas yang buat diri terus angguk kepala. moga rezeki ini yang mendekatkan pada DIA. ameen~
• indeed that's the answer that you need but not what you expect.
• keep telling myself to study. study for the knowledge and for Allah, not for the sake of exam only. kuat dila! jangan malas, please.

manusia akan terus belajar walau sampai detik kematian pun

`Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. 

Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. 

Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”

we are just an tiny speckle in this universe.

رَبِّ زدْنيِ عِلْماً وَ رْزُقْنيِ فَهْماً

O Allah! Advance me in Knowledge and true understanding.

moments #8

"if it is possible and i have a choice, i don't want to get married to a doctor."

"kalau tak nak kawen dengan doktor, habis tu nak kawen dengan siapa? cikgu ke?"

"hmm.. cikgu pun boleh. pastu farmer...." jawab dengan muka yakin.

"hah? like seriously a farmer? ni apa kes ni? mesti sebab selalu sangat dah tulis kat case sheet patient, occupation=farmer.." terkejut dan tergelak kuat dalam masa yang sama.

"hahaha... no, i was imagining a farmer that have a farm, meadow etc.." orang yang jawab pun ikut gelak jugak.

"oh, itu kalau farmer dekat Norway! apa daaaa.."

somewhere in Norway

been wasting 11 days of my study weeks without doing anything productive.


2 more weeks to go and i haven't even finish half of the portion of one subject.
ottoke?

now i am panicking!!!

kalau tiba-tiba ada salji...

Kalau tiba-tiba ada salji, saya adalah orang yang paling gembira kerana seumur hidup saya belum pernah merasa bagaimana pengalaman dengan salji. Mana mungkin bumi Malaysia ataupun India turun salji bukan? Saya membayangkan bahawa salji adalah satu keajaiban dunia, salah satu tanda kekuasaan Allah yang Esa. Putih, bersih dan suci, pasti satu pemandangan yang membuatkan anda teruja dan nafas terhenti buat seketika.
Kalau tiba-tiba ada salji, saya mahu memandang dari tingkap dengan perasaan ajaib(?) (amazed/miracle/excitement) yang pastinya membuatkan mata membuntang, jantung berdegup macam biasa je kot dan menarik nafas dalam-dalam kerana merasa seperti di dalam mimpi. kepingan-kepingan salji yang jatuh berguguran seperti kristal yang berkilau.....

ok, tak boleh dah nak tulis karangan "kalau tiba-tiba ada salji..."
ya Allah..rupanya memang dah berkarat bakat menulis dalam format ayat bahasa melayu yang betul.

abaikan sahaja usaha menulis karangan tu. macam tak sampai je maksud sebenar. heh.
kalau la tiba-tiba ada salji, mungkin aku pergi tempat bersalji atau salji turun kat india/malaysia, benda yang aku nak buat adalah tengok salji tu jatuh. dari coklat warna tanah sampailah putih dilitupi salji. snow flakes that fall from the sky surely feels like a miracle. amazingness! <--ada ke word ni?

dah lepas tengok salji dan salji pun dah bertimbun kat luar, aku nak baring je atas salji. usaha membuat snow angel mungkin? hehe
i want to feel the snow with all the senses.. yes, including eat the clean snow! (kalaulah ada orang kencing ewwww)

lepas tu.........
errr, nak buat ape eh?

maybe i'll walk and see the usual path covered in snow. mesti cantik kan?
did you know there's one quote,

"Kindness is like snow. It beautifies everything that it covers."

dan tiba-tiba aku terjelepok jatuh sebab licin.

lepas tu takde plan lain dah. snow fight? snowman? ski? sleep comfortable in my bed wrapped in duvet.
buat ais kacang dari snow. haha

oh! terlupa satu benda. the geeky? nerd? part of me.
they said that each snowflake is different from one another.
so i wish to examine them under microscope. one by one.
can you imagine that i'm running around with my glass slide just to catch the falling snowflakes. lepas tu bawak cepat-cepat pergi kat microsope sebab takut cair. bila dah penat dan puas hati, betulkan letak cermin mata dan tersenyum lebar. eh? aku mana pakai cermin mata.. (-__-)"
....tapi kena ada microscope dulu! *sad*

“Snowflakes, like people, are all different and beautiful, but they can be a nuisance when they lose their identity in a mob.”

yang ni menarik [link]

nota kaki:

• tiba-tiba membayangkan perasaan sendiri kalau ada salji lepas tengok AimanAzlan post video salji turun.. *jeles*
• boleh buat sugar cookies bentuk snowflakes je la...

wordless wednesday #16

parenting guide

TIP MENANGANI ANAK.

1. Jangan pukul anak dari lutut ke atas.
2. Jangan gunakan tangan/anggota tubuh kita utk memukul anak dengan tangan dan jangan sesekali menampar anak pakai tangan kita. nanti anak jadi bertambah degil dan nakal dan tak boleh control.
3. Rotan/pukul anak di telapak kakinya . Secara saintifiknya ada kaitan dengan refleksologi dan merangsang ke bahagian otak.
4. Mulakanlah hidup anak anda dengan nama panggilan yang baik. Nama panggilan yang kurang baik akan menyebabkan anak anda malu dan merasa rendah diri.
5. Berikan anak anda pelukkan setiap hari (Kajian menunjukkan anak yang dipeluk setiap hari akan mempunyai kekuatan IQ yg lebih kuat daripada anak yang jarang dipeluk).
6. Pandanglah anak anda dengan pandangan kasih sayang (Pandangan ini akan membuatkan anak anda lebih yakin diri apabila berhadapan dengan persekitaran).
7. Berikan peneguhan setiap kali anak anda berbuat kebaikan (Berilah pujian, pelukkan, ciuman, hadiah ataupun sekurang-kurangnya senyuman untuk setiap kebaikan yang dilakukannya).
8. Janganlah mengharapkan anak anda yang belum matang itu melakukan sesuatu perbuatan baik secara berterusan, mereka hanya kanak-kanak yang sedang berkembang. Perkembangan mereka buatkan mereka ingin mengalami setiap perkara termasuklah berbuat silap.
9. Apabila anda berhadapan dengan masalah kerja dan keluarga,pilihlah keluarga (Seorang penulis menyatakan anak-anak terus membesar. Masa itu terus berlalu dan tak akan kembali).
10. Di dalam membesarkan dan mendidik anak-anak, janganlah tuan/puan mengeluh. Keluhan akan membuatkan anak-anak merasakan diri mereka beban.
11. Dengarlah cerita anak anda, cerita itu tak akan dapat anda dengari lagi pada masa akan datang. Tunggu giliran anda untuk bercakap (Ini akan mengajar anak anda tentang giliran untuk bercakap)
12. Tenangkan anak anda setiap kali mereka memerlukannya.
13. Tunjukkan kepada anak anda bagaimana cara untuk menenangkan diri. Mereka akan menirunya.
14. Buatkan sedikit persediaan untuk anak-anak menyambut harijadinya. Sediakanlah hadiah harijadi yang unik walaupun harganya murah. Keunikan akan membuatkan anak anda belajar menghargai. (Anak2 yg dtg daripada persekitaran yang menghargai akan belajar menghargai orang lain).
15. Kemungkinan anak kita menerima pengajaran bukan pada kali pertama belajar. Mereka mungkin memerlukan kita mengajar mereka lebih daripada sekali.
16. Luangkanlah masa bersama anak anda diluar rumah, peganglah tangan anak-anak apabila anda berjalan dengan mereka. Mereka tentu akan merasa kepentingan kehadiran mereka dalam kehidupan anda suami isteri.
17. Dengarlah mimpi ngeri anak-anak anda. Mimpi ngeri mereka adalah begitu real dalam dunia mereka.
18. Hargailah permainan kesayangan anak anda. Mereka juga dalam masa yang sama akan menghargai barang-barang kesayangan anda. Elakkan daripada membuang barang kesayangan mereka walaupun sudah rosak. Mintalah kebenaran mereka sebelum berbuat demikian.
19. Janganlah membiarkan anak-anak anda tidur tanpa ciuman selamat malam.
20. Terimalah yang kadangkala anda bukanlah ibubapa yang sempurna. Ini akan mengurangkan stress menjadi ibu bapa.
21. Jangan selalu membawa bebanan kerja pejabat ke rumah. Anak-anak akan belajar bahawa kerja pejabat selalunya lebih penting daripada keluarga.
22. Anak menangis untuk melegakan keresahan mereka tetapi kadangkala cuma untuk sound effect sahaja. Bagaimanapun dengarilah mereka, dua puluh tahun dari sekarang anda pula yang akan menangis apabila rumah mula terasa sunyi. Anak-anak anda mula sibuk mendengar tangisan anak mereka sendiri.

nota kaki:

• tulis siap-siap kat blog supaya senang nak cari bila dah ada anak nanti.. hihi *giggle*
• parenting guide bukan untuk deal dengan anak je, dengan anak sedara, cousins yang kecik, anak jiran sebelah rumah, mungkin pesakit (peadiatrics) jugak...

donkey no zebra

~donkey with zebra's stripes~

caption gambar ni berbunyi begini:

A "Gaza-made zebra", (a donkey painted with stripes), stands in a cage at the "Happy Land Zoo" just outside Gaza City on October 3, 2009. Faced with an Israeli blockade, the Palestinian zookeepers were unable to bring in real zebras. Their solution was to paint a couple of donkeys at the zoo, which have become symbols of life under the Israeli blockade, a local attraction and a bit of a joke.

(source)

kadangkala kehidupan bukan dengan memiliki semuanya dengan sempurna, tetapi lebih kepada menghargai apa yang ada dan mewujudkan yang tiada untuk memberi makna bahagia. makna sempurna.
imperfectly perfect.

entahlah.
kadangkala rasa macam kita ni banyak songeh. tak sedar tahap diri cuma hamba.

ain't about what you don't have, it's about what you really want.

*     *     *     *     *

what really caught my eyes is not the picture but the word "Gaza". terbayangkan mereka yang walau dalam keterbatasan kerana sekatan dari Israel, masih mampu "make the best out of whatever they have."

moga semangat kita untuk Palestin tidak bermusim.
ameen ya Rabb~

have been thinking what to write in the blog for several days.

now i know what to brag about.. XD

a book. a smile. the view from my window.

yes, it is a brand new book.

yes, it is Yasmin Mogahed's.

yes, it is a gift from someone. a dear friend.

yes, i am really happy. 

^__^

i was having my afternoon nap. little that i know, a knock on the door which woke me up from the sleep brought a little surprise. can't believe my own eyes that i got the book. seronok sangat! yeayy~ dah ada beberapa buku untuk dibaca dalam flight balik nanti.. =)

but first, i have to go through the final exam.

wordless wednesday #15

beauty is just skin deep.

or maybe soft tissues deep?

wordless wednesday #14

saw the picture that my cousin uploaded on facebook from last aidilfitri.

i saw pak su.
nampak semakin tua.

and i realised time had been moving fast. it had been sometime since i met him.
let alone those little cousins, nephews and nieces that i haven't met since they were born.

aku masih ingat lagi, masa tu rumah nenek masih wujud. sekarang dah takde. dah dirobohkan.
pak su suka kacau aku, dia suka panggil aku amoi, sebab muka macam anak cina, mata sepet. haih~
oh, i hate it that time!
but he would laugh seeing me getting angry and sulking.. buat muka..
masa tu pak su tak kawen lagi.
sekarang dah ada anak 2 yang dah masuk sekolah rendah.

2017 is really a longgg wayy to go

Tengok ada junior upload gmba student ID Card yang dia baru dapat.. Ok, mula-mula memang la macam tak kesah sangat, pegi scroll lagi tengok update orang.. Tapi bila kali kedua tengok, i just realised one thing,

"validity: august 2012-sept 2017"

Semputlimasaat di situ.
I mean 2017???
I can't even imagine how my life would be in 2017 and its really a longggg way to go.
Lama kot~
I told my friend about that and she said,
"wow! 2017...who knows how many tracheostomy that we had done, how many lives we safe and how many that we lose."

"..and whether we still alive or not."

But i know for sure one thing,
Alhamdulillah that i'm standing here right now. 3 years had passed and it seems like yesterday when we first arrived in India. Thank you Allah for making this journey possible till this very moment though sometimes mind doesn't really get what awaits in the end.

The truth is what we cannot imagine does not mean that it is impossible. The ability to make such things happen does not belong to us, it is with Him. Allah the Almighty.

this is mine. takkan nak curi orang punya pulak.though it says dec 2013, i'll be back for good in 2015. insyaAllah~
dec 2013 tu habis blajaq ja, finale in january 2014 then plus one year intership.
may Allay eases this journey.
ameen

pray for those in Gaza, Syria, Burma and everywhere.
may Allah relieved the sufferings and gives us victory against the oppressors.

satu doa mungkin tampak kecil. tapi kalau satu dunia menembakkan doa?
moga doa kita lagi laju, lagi banyak, lagi bertubi-tubi dari serangan musuh.
weak body, weak soul we have. but Allah please makes our doa strong enough to help our brothers and sisters. ameen ya Rabb~


nota kaki:

•  kalau adek junior baca ni, bukanlah nak suruh korang pulak semput. It just that i can't really imagine if i'm finishing this course in 2017 when i started in 2009.. Tualah akak kalau macam tu..hehe

update raya qurban yang dah terlambat

masa ni aku tak sampai lagi, mujurlah sempat sampai tepat-tepat orang nak mula solat sunat aidiladha.

lepas solat raya


*      *     *     *     *

inche Intan awal-awal lagi dah tulis kat fesbuk:

"Dila, upload some pic if by any means u're able to be there, when people do the qurban ok? always imagine how Muslims there do it, in the middle of community who worship the animal."

tak tahu macam nak start cerita..
sebab dah terbiasa, jadi tak pernah pun nak fikir dengan details segala benda pasal qurban ni. hmm, maksud aku tak pernah pun rasa nak buat ibadah qurban (sembelih lembu) sebagai satu keterbatasan di India ni.
well, sometimes we tend to overlook things~

selalunya tahun-tahun sebelum ni tak pernah pun pergi tengok orang sembelih lembu.
Alhamdulillah, tahun ni diberi kesempatan melihat dengan mata kepala sendiri..
(first time tgk masa kat mesia, tahun 2007 kot sebab kena raya sorang kat rumah makcik kat Seremban)
kat sini boleh dikira agak murah untuk buat korban lembu. satu bahagian = Rs2500
(roughly dalam rm200 kot)
tapi tahun ni takde rezeki nak buat sebab elaun tak masuk lagi.

korban start pukul 3 petang camtu kot sebab tunggu tukang sembelih lembu datang.
pagi lepas solat raya orang dah sembelih kambing.

efficient.

tu je word nak describe kot..

cepat gila dah siap sembelih, lapah etc.. diorang sembelih dan lapah sekor-sekor, rasanya supaya kalau dah tak larat nak lapah tu takde la seksa diri sangat kot.. entah, tu cuma pendapat aku je.

you must be wondering how they slaughter the cows, when all around them are the Hindu's community.. tempat nak sembelih tu tertutup, kat kawasan rumah, pastu tutup lagi dengan kanvas supaya tak nampak dari luar. pastu diorang siapkan macam khemah/kanopi(?) untuk bungkus dan agihkan daging. yang ni pun tertutup jugak, memang tak nampak orang kat dalam dari luar.
darah binatang yang disembelih tu pun kena buang dan basuh elok-elok untuk menjaga sensitiviti orang.

kain purple tu penutup supaya tak nampak dari luar

bila nampak lembu kena sembelih, memang rasa dalam hati,

"Betul lah ayat al-Quran yang cakap manusia ni lagi hina kedudukan dari haiwan ternak sebab tanak guna hati, mata, telinga etc untuk menyedari kebesaran Allah (7:179). At least binatang pun matinya lagi mulia dari kita, mati sebagai haiwan korban untuk Allah, Tuhan Maha Besar. Kita ni nanti entah apa lah kesudahannya.

Degil mana pun lembu tu, melawan bila nak disembelih tapi akhirnya tunduk juga pada Allah. Manusia ni haih... degil tahap takleh nak described dah, melawan sampai masuk lubang kubur pun."

dengar cerita lepas tu ada jugak yang tak puas hati. lagipun waktu raya aidilfitri hari tu ada riot and 4 were killed. aku assumed bara api kemarahan hari tu masih ada. jadi pakcik auto pesan jangan keluar pergi kawasan bandar sangat waktu raya haji. takut ada apa-apa jadi.

nota kaki:

• sambil-sambil tengok orang sembelih pun boleh belajar anatomy. tapi memanglah berbeza anatomi badan manusia dengan badan lembu.
• ada gamba lembu yang ditambat 13 ekor (gamba tahun lepas) tapi tak tahu letak kat folder mana, jadi tak boleh nak tunjuk. tahun ni 14 ekor kot.. tak pasti.

moments #7

Clinicosocial case presentation:
"What you said just now? He is not married? Lucky fellow! No wonder he lives up to 79 years. Normally people who are married only live until 60-65 years. This fellow may lives up to centuries." Doktor yang ambik kelas buat lawak sambil tersengih.
Kteorang pun join gelak sekali la.. Pakcik tua pun tersengih je tengok kteorg gelak padahal pakcik mungkin tak faham apa yang terjadi.
*     *     *     *     *     *
"The socioeconomic status falls into grade...."
"there's no need to take the socioeconomic status since he's not married.
When a person from the opposite sex enters our life, the expenses will raised...exponentially!" Doktor buat lawak lagi.
Dont take this personally okay? Especially girls. I am just making jokes.
Kami faham je cikgu.. ^__^

wordless wednesday #13

Subhanallah!

 A field full of tulips.

Beautiful, ain't it?

conscious

aku teringat yang kteorang selalu tulis kat case sheet patient,

"Patient is a.... bla... bla... bla..., conscious, cooperative, well oriented to time, place and person."

baru sedar yang banyak waktu dalam hidup ni kita tak sedar sebenarnya. sekadar hidup.
conscious doesn't only means that you are alive and awake.
but aware of every single things in our life, especially our 'niat', our intention.
whatever you do, is it solely because of Allah?

honestly, it is not that easy to purify our intention.
niatnya kadangkala memang kerana Allah, tapi ada je niat lain yang join sekali.
macam combo, 3 in 1, bercabang-cabang atau apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya.
dalam pada meluruskan niat tu, banyaknya nampak silap.
tapi selalu butakan mata je.
moga Allah tak butakan hati..
TT__TT

ya Allah, hati manusia biasa yang aku ada ni mudahnya berbolak balik, mudahnya mata kabur kerana dunia, mudah sungguh hati ini tertipu, tergoda dengan yang sementara.

"Be conscious. By all means and senses."

usm-kle campus. petang 23102012.

look carefully. 

can you see how many dragonflies in the picture? 

subhanallah, lagi banyak, lagi cantik dari yang terakam di lensa kamera.

(maaf, aku takde kamera canggih segala bagai nak tangkap gambar hebat.)

nota kaki:

• membina bangunan atas asas yang tidak kukuh, tinggi mana pun bangunan tu, eventually akan roboh. moga jatuhnya 'binaan' kita di dunia ni takkan jatuhkan kita ke dalam jurang neraka Jahannam..

~surah At-Taubah, 9:109-110

once upon a night

"Imagine that you are Puteri Gunung Ledang and the Sultan has already fulfilled your wishes, describe how you would like your dream wedding to be?"

personal question that i don't really want to share the answer.
its not that i have something in my mind. it just blank.
so much of being in reality, i have amnesia of my dream wedding..

so, this is my answer,

"Since the Sultan has spend so much government budget to propose me, of course I'll marry him! ^__^

But I'll be the wise queen ever. On my wedding day, I will invite everyone in the country and let them be treated like a royalty. Since "pengantin" is the "raja sehari" but on my case I will forever be the queen so I want everyone to be treated like a royalty on my wedding day."

it just makes me really wonder, how a wallflower like me could be up there?
surely it would be one of the stories in my version of A Thousand and One Night.

nota kaki:

• cerita dah nak expired, baru nak tulis kat blog kan? hehehe
  
  
  

Some flowers grow best in the sun while others do best in the shade. Allah always knows what is best for us, so HE puts us where we grow the best.

aku rasa lagu ni "deep".
tak suka pun bila mula-mula dengar lagu ni kat radio.
bila ada orang suruh dengar, baru perasan yang ada makna yang mendalam.
suka!!! ^__^

Tersesat malu bertanya

Tak tahu tak tahu ke mana

Terlalu banyak alasannya

Duduk terdiam

Menyusur di kaki lima

Terlihat bayang wajah kelmarin

Tersentuh hati bagai luruh

Tanya sama pokok apa sebab goyang

Jawab angin yang goncang

Terbang burung terbang

Patah sayap diduga

Seandainya rebah

Kau masih ada

Terlalu mahu dan mahu

Terlupa apa yang perlu

Terlalu banyak alasannya

Duduk terdiam

Tak mudah namun tak susah

Terserah atas pilihan

Tersentuh hati mula luruh

for whatever reason it is,

"....KAU masih ada...."

nota kaki:

- untuk awak, i think you know who you are:

• like HE said, "verily after every difficulty there is a relief."
• semoga seperti dedaunan yang gugur di musim luruh, akan gugur dosa-dosa kerana sabar atas musibah yang melanda dan yakin dengan janji Allah Yang Esa.

Personality 101?

"Besides, kids try on personality is the way they try on clothes. thats the way they figure out who they are." 

-Kate Beckett, Castle S02E16-

human's nature is to protect things that they love, things that they value the most.

but the question arises is that whether the things that we love are really that valuable?
is it something worth to protect?
is it worth to put your life as the shield?


to sacrifice everything for something...
do you think it is a fruitful investment?



but when you think about it, if nothing is valuable enough to protect, then what is the purpose of living?

something worth to ponder, ey?

"Be concerned with what you truly value; let the thief steal something else."    

- Rumi

a sweet escape?

sungguh dengan berkelana di muka bumi Allah dapat membuka hati.

a brief gateway? runaway? from Belgaum-Bangalore-Kolar-Bangalore-Belgaum.
perjalanan singkat tapi mampu memberi rasa berbeza.
Alhamdulillah untuk segalanya..

So the journey begins.. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim~

tengahari jumpa kawan sekelas masa zaman sekolah menengah.
walaupun dah 3 tahun tak jumpa, perangai masih macam dulu.
kanak-kanak dua orang ni tak berhenti cakap.
dah la cakap laju, penuh semangat, cakap dalam bahasa sarawak pulak tu.
kesian yang lain kena dengar je..=P
berhenti pun bila tengah makan.

joyce,classmate+roomate 2005/06

jumpa akhawat Bangalore, Davangere, Mangalore.
sungguh kasih sayang Tuhan ada pada makhluknya.
singkat pertemuan, tapi terasa hangat ukhwah.

#simple rule: bertegur sapa, leburkan titik perbezaan dan pisahkan ruang sempadan.
in other words, aci redah je tegur orang gaya tak malu. cakap macam kawan lama.
buka ruang persahabatan. ^_^

buah hati baru dari Trah Kolar. makin bertambah keluarga zirafah..^^

kami bertiga bertolak dari Belgaum malam hari jumaat dan sampai balik ke Belgaum pagi hari isnin.
if you wonder how long it takes for the whole journey,
bas ride from Belgaum-Bangalore = 10 hours
bas ride from Bangalore-Kolar = 2 hours (yang ni bas tempe yang berhimpit-himpit tu. Alhamdulillah kami dapat duduk)

nota kaki:

• panjang je cerita kalau semuanya nak ditulis. tapi cukuplah setakat ni kan?

• Local Indian attempted suicide , jumped , but landed on Malaysian students. [news here] 

moments #6

On a telephone conversation with my husband: 

Hubby: Bella demam. She drank only 1oz milk this morning. Makan pun tak byk.. Coughing still.. 

Me: *panic button pushed* OMG!! We must bring her to the doctor!! *in a high-pitched tone* 

Hubby: We are doctors, aren’t we? *blur* 

Me: *gulp* Lupaaa!!! I was totally in my mommy mode. Forgot I’m a doctor.. Hahahha.. 

Hubby: ….

http://barelysupermommy.com/2012/05/11/panic-mommy/

*    *     *    *   *

entah-entah nanti aku pun buat perangai yang sama. hihi =P
even now, when i asked my friend,

" what are we going to do if somebody collapsed or needing medical help?"

"err, call the doctor?"

hahaha~ haru betul la budak dua orang ni...
somehow, its kinda scary to become a doctor.
berdebarrrr.... haih~



nota kaki:

• this was taken from the same blog. Dr. SMS said to his wife: 

“These people, it’s not their choice to be sick.. but you choose to be a doctor. Treat them nicely…”

something to inspire, ey? ^^

wordless wednesday #12

...and yet, I don't have any intention to be found.

sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part

"Just know..

that wherever you go, 

you can always come home..."

SELAMAT HARI KEMERDEKAAN KE-55!

Semoga merdeka jasad, merdekalah juga jiwa dari nafsu yang bermaharajalela.
stop being ignorant. arrogant.
be more considerate. kind. sweet. thoughtful. caring.

I love you Malaysia.
I always do.

please be safe!

nota kaki:

• berapa agaknya jarak belgaum ke kuching ye?

masalah betul bila pelan 2 tahun orang lain secara tak langsung mempengaruhi aku.
kalau buat pelan masa depan sendiri takpe jugak, ni yang aku pergi 'tumpang' pelan orang..
bahaya betul dila ni.
haih~

nota kaki:
aku rasa esok lusa aku baca ni mesti aku tak tau aku tengah membebel pasal ape.. >.<

hye beautiful?

ada seorang adik junior yang cantik.

(technically, sama umur je tapi sebab seniority maka aku jadi si kakak)

memang sangat sweet dan baik hati.

tapi dia tak pakai tudung.

and this raya, she wore a pink scarf..

comel sangat.. kawaiiiii~

maksud aku 'sejuk mata memandang' punya definisi comel..

sangat happy tau! dah la raya, lagi la rasa sangat best, being blessed~

and now, she started wearing hijab.

together we'll pray for her 'hijrah' okay? ^_^

supaya dia sentiasa istiqamah dan dikuatkan hati untuk bermujahadah..

i heard that she told Ai (bukan nama sebenar) that she doesn't feel comfortable to go out without hijab after the raya celebration.

Alhamdulillah~

When a thing disturbs the peace of your heart, give it up. -Prophet saw :)

"Girls without hijab are hot, and girls with hijab are beautiful, 

that’s why hell is hot and paradise is beautiful." 

muka photostat

ramai orang cakap muka aku dengan si adik perempuan sama.
tapi aku rasa dia lagi cantik..^_^

bukan seorang dua je cakap, ramai kot...
balik rumah hari tu pun, orang tak perasan aku dah balik sebab diorang ingat tu adik aku..
cehhh~
perasan hanya bila ada dua anis, when both of us stand side by side..

she resembles me much. sama tapi tak serupa.
yang perbezaan tu malas nak cerita, kita cerita apa yang sama je la okay?

tapi sebelum tu, nak cakap yang kita dua orang beza umur 6 tahun..
she is still in high school.

she goes to the same high school as me. destined, perhaps? sebab tu je offer yang dia dapat masa nak masuk Form 1 walaupun dia nak sangat sekali dengan bestfriend dia kat Sekolah Sains Kuching.
dia selalu ikut cara aku. pakai tudung nak cara sama. beli baju pun kalau boleh nak yang lebih kurang sama. and we even fight for the same pair of shoes. dah macam adik beradik kembar dah~ tapi sekarang dah besar sikit, jadi dah developed identity sendiri kot.. at least takde la semua benda nak tiru aku.. =P


a dear friend (my high school friend) had her practical in the same school. jadi selalu la jumpa si adik perempuan ni.
she sent me messages:
went to anis's room ptg marek. tido nya. and she didn't even realised that i took her phone to miscall mine.

-nya nang memang tido mati. it runs in the family. haha~ 

kamek masuk bilit jak dah cakap dalam hati (like sister like sister) ^^  


another day, another messages:
anis cakap bunyi macam kitak!
i think i miss u
okay, tata~

-haa? hailohh~ rindu kamek gilak ka sampey anis pun bunyi macam kamek?

and today a dear friend, liyana send me messages:

Dila :)
dah kamek ambik barang. 
thank you. 
first time jumpa your mum. 
and your sis macam photostat kitak la. 
*ayat mak kitak*

so i guess, muka kiteorg ni sama sangat la kot..
after all, we are from the same genetic pool.
but my eyes more 'sepet'. aku lagi cina celup la kot..haha~

does she has dimple?

-nope

then, tak sama la..

nota kaki:

• malas nak translate bahasa melayu sarawak. faham sendiri je la eh?

wordless wednesday #11

eid mubarak!

Allah Maha Besar lagi Maha Sempurna KebesaranNya, 

Segala puji bagi Allah sebanyak-banyaknya, 

Dan Maha suci Allah sepanjang pagi dan petang. 

Tiada Tuhan selain Allah dan tidak ada yang kami sembah kecuali hanya Allah, 

dengan ikhlas kami beragama kepadaNya, walaupun orang-orang kafir membenci. 

Tidak ada Tuhan selain Allah sendiri; 

Benar janjinya, menolong hambanya, 

memulihkan tentaranya, 

dan mengusir musuh-musuh (Nabi)nya sendirian. 

Tiada Tuhan selain Allah, Allah maha besar. 

Allah maha besar dan segala puji bagi Allah.

entah apa khabar yang di Palestin, di Myanmar, di Syria, di Afrika agaknya kan?

cemana ntah diorang beraya...

kemenangan yang sejati tak perlu 'pesta' untuk meraikannya..

cukuplah Allah campakkan rasa 'izzah' dalam hati..
rasa bangga, rasa kemenangan..

kepada orang kat Malaysia,

Alhamdulillah boleh beraya di tanah air dengan keluarga..

raya tu raya jugak tapi jangan sampai lupa Allah, okey? ^_^

kepada orang yang jauh di perantauan, 

kita sama tapi tak serupa..

takpe walaupun jauh dari keluarga, jauh dari 'comfort zone', 

semoga Allah lebih dekat di hati kita..

semoga erti Ramadhan, erti Aidilfitri tu lebih bertanda dalam hati..

aidilfitri....

ayuh kembali kepada fitrah!

Alhamdulillah, kat sini masih diberi peluang sambut raya beramai-ramai.. 

(xde la ramai mana pun, ada lah dalam 30 orang je)

esok start exam, moga Allah permudahkan~

....thank you Allah for blessing us with good food, nice clothes, loving families and friends, and safety..
eidul mubarak!

taqabballahhu minna wa minkum

ikhlas, maaf zahir & batin~

malam raya~

zarifah adilah,

4th aidilfitri in India..

of kek lapis

gigih membuat kek lapis setelah bertangguh beberapa hari. itu pun disebabkan 'request' untuk kek lapis sarawak especially untuk raya..
alkisahnya, aku mana pernah buat kek lapis sarawak pun. after all, i am not really a hard fan of kek lapis sarawak.. jadi mana boleh buat hipotesis,

"jika anda adalah orang sarawak, maka anda harus pandai buat kek lapis sarawak."

(-___-)"

maka bermulalah misi membuat kek lapis...
haih~ mulut memang asyik cakap,

"lecehnya nak buat kek lapis ni!"

tak sedar, kata di mulut boleh membuatkan diri jadi tak ikhlas. T__T
walhal niat asalnya nanti nak menjamu orang makan kerana Allah.
Allahu Rabbi!

Lesson #1:

• purify your intention!

kek diberi nama kek lapis india.. bila siap bancuh adunan,
alamak!
tak cukup coklat..
maka menapaklah kaki ke RelianceFresh lepas solat asar, membeli coklat dan bahan-bahan lain untuk masak.

susun-susun coklat!

lapisan pertama,
"okeh, tujuh sudu je setiap lapisan!" monolog dalam hati lepas baca resepi.
errr, dila masukkan lima sudu adunan penuh melimpah dah macam 10 sudu je gayanya..
bukan ke lapisan tu patut nipis dan sekata?

Lesson #2:

• you must know what are you doing! bukan semua benda boleh memandai buat sesuka hati aci redah je.

dah siap dah sebijik kek..
walaupun lapisan tebal-tebal dan susunan coklat tak sekata.

potong pun hodoh.. hailohhhh~

oklah for beginner kot. first time kot..
dulu pernahlah tolong mak buat kek lapis tapi jadi keras macam batu.
agaknya baling kat dinding, dinding yang pecah kot...
hahaha~

angle sebelah sini macam lawa sikit kot..

adunan kek masih berbaki separuh lagi.
nak tak nak kena bakar kek lagi walaupun coklat gaya macam tak cukup je.

kali ni teliti sikit.
buat lapisan nipis-nipis, susun coklat cantik-cantik.

tapi.....

bila dah siap semua lapisan, lapisan terakhir dah masak cuma kurang perang.
maka si bijak dila ni, dia pergi sambung bakar dengan api atas sahaja untuk 5 minit.

~bau hangit~~~~~

woowwww!
hitam! terbakar! rentung!
memang lah kek lapis india.
sedih kot sebab ingatkan second cake ni menjadi la..
=(

kot ye la pun kek lapis india, takyahla hitam cenggini kan?

bila fikir balik, memang rasa "arghhhhh, kecewanya~"
what? how? why? why this.. why that.. semua soalan ada.
tapi kan, teliti macam mana pun, kalau Allah takdirkan kek tu hangit nak buat macam mana.
sabarlah....

Lesson #3:

• Allah has preordained our lives. Surely, He is the BEST planner!

mungkin Dia nak ajar supaya lebih teliti.
teliti di awal, di pertengahan, dan juga di penghujung.
ni bila dah nak siap, excited terlebih..
nah, ambik kau kek hangit!!!


mesti korang dah sakit mata tengok kek lapis yang aku buat kan?
meh tengok gmba yang lawa sikit..

gamba pinjam dari tuan punya resepi.. ni blog dia [klik sini]

baru tahu kek lapis bukan makanan sihat.
tengok total butter....   whoaa!
gula pastu tambah pulak susu pekat manis..     wowww!
telur 10 biji kot untuk sebijik kek..

kek lapis ni memang perlu orang yang sabar..
mana taknya, kena bertapa depan oven nak tunggu setiap lapisan masak.


which takes about 10 mins each..


nota kaki:

• cerita buat kek lapis yang seciput ni pun dah panjang macam nak tulis cerpen.. -___-"
• exam sehari lepas raya (kot?) tapi tak baca buku lagi.. tak rasa nak exam langsung.. 
• tak nak bulan Ramadhan habis!!!

you don't just invite people to have taqwa to Allah, your character says a lot

very painful for you to say compliment to your wife,

.......for you to give compliment to your wife can give you ulcer.

but its the sunnah, guys!

the sisters are so used to hear nasty things from us so when we say nice things, they get freaked out.. 

*   *   *    *   *

as our community doesn't really practise this, i guessed this is why some of us dream of "the-romantic-orang puteh" or "the-sweet-korean guys" to become the sweet, romantic husband.
yada... yada... yada...
the list goes on........

bukankah Rasullulah itu contoh ikutan terbaik?
the real sweet and romantic husband..^_^
bukan macam cerita korea yang ikut skrip tu, tapi boleh buat orang jadi diabetic sebab sweet sangat..
*rolling eyes*

dunia dah terbalik, orang sweet-sweet sebelum kawen tapi lepas kawen dah tak mahu pegang tangan.
#reality

look i've never seen a husband like you......

it is so beautiful, this religion can't be wrong.

it can't be wrong!

^_^

as actions speak louder than words, walk your talk man!

nota kaki:

• ni bukan sebab nak kawen ke apa, tapi benda baik apa salahnya nak share kan?

wordless wednesday #10

hye weirdo!
^_^

moments #5

“Rasa familiar la tengok awak ni. Awak kan yang selalu jalan dengan sorang budak perempuan tu dulu kan?” 

Dia tersengih. 

“Yang comel, putih tu kan?" 

Sengih melebar. 

“Dia kat mana sekarang?” 

“Dia dah kawen dah.” Akhirnya buka mulut dan bukan jawab dengan sengih lagi.

Terjatuh rahang. 

“Bila dia kawen?” Budak kepoh dah mula tanya soalan. 

“Lepas SPM.” Dia masih senyum. Tak tahu nak tafsir senyum apa. 

“Errr, dah ada anak ke?” 

“Dah. Dah ada dua orang anak rasanya.” 

Sunyi lima saat. 

“Haaa! Awak pulak bila nak kawen? Orang lain dah anak dua tu.” Soalan cepu emas kat orang sebelah untuk memecah suasana sunyi yang menjengkelkan itu. (awkward silence) 

“Sedih tak? Patah hati?” Rupanya ada masih ingin tahu. 

“Eh, takde lah!” Dia dah senyum nampak gigi. Tapi tak mampu meneka dalam hati rasa apa.

-kubah ria,290612

Nota kaki:

• Zaman sekolah memang penuh warna-warni. Dan orang yang bercinta suka-suka masa tu jarang yang kekal. Yang baik kita jadikan tauladan, yang buruk kita jadikan sempadan.

• How weird but not-so-complicated, that we always remember people for the not-so-nice things they had done. Bukankan kita kena bersangka baik? Maka yang harus disimpan dalam kotak memori sepatutnya hanya yang baik-baik sahaja. Masa lampau dia bukan ukuran kita untuk menilai siapa dia sekarang. Boleh jadi yang dia jauh lebih baik.

Right here in the dark, counting the amount of my accumulated sins
I realize
these merciful nights are slipping between my fingers
you cannot go yet, you cannot
because I’m not done counting.
I have yet to find an ounce of light that beams from this soul
even though this soul was once Light because Your hands have touched it
I have darkened it with scars of wretchedness and blisters of darkness
do not go,
for I am not done counting these sins.

 -- thalamtnafsee.tumblr.com

I have made my own soul to suffer....   ='(

wise man said,


“If you don’t have the ability to compete with the pious in righteous deeds then compete with the sinners in asking Allah’s forgiveness.”
— Ibn Rajab

indeed Your Forgiveness is beyond my mountains of sin, beyond what my heart can imagine.
hey nafs, let the soul be free from these worldy burden...