Tuhan dan Rahasia

Ketika aku ditanya tentang hal apa yang ingin aku ketahui dari hidup. Hanya ada satu hal yang ingin aku ketahui. Bukan soal kaya atau miskinku. Siapa jodohku. Bagaimana masa depanku.

Satu hal itu adalah, memaafkankah Tuhan atas segala dosaku? Aku hanya ingin tahu satu hal itu saja. Selebihnya aku tidak perlu. Aku hanya butuh maaf-Nya dalam hidup ini. Sebab aku sudah banyak berlaku salah. Sebab kesalahan itu selalu menghantuiku hingga saat ini. Hendak memilih mati pun, itu sebuah kesalahan. Tuhan melarangku mengakhiri hidupku sendiri.

Tidak mengapa aku lepaskan dunia ini. Asal aku tahu, bahwa Dia memaafkanku. Aku takut aku tidak berkesempatan masuk surganya. Aku takut, kelak di hari penghakiman. Seluruh dosaku diberitakan tanpa dimaafkan satupun.

Setidaknya aku berterima kasih atas kebaikan-Mu. Karena-Mu menutupi seluruh rahasia dan dosa ini. Orang-orang melihatku begitu baik. Bahkan beberapa melihatku diatasnya. Mereka hanya tidak tahu, apa yang aku sembunyikan dari balik pakaian dan tulisan.

Mereka tidak tahu saja bahwa aku mungkin mengalami kehidupan yang tidak pernah mereka bayangkan. Yang akan membuat mereka pergi jauh ketika mengetahuinya. Begitulah cara Tuhan. Aku tahu mudah bagi-Mu memuliakan manusia dan menghinakannya. Kemuliaan dan kehinaan sama-sama ujian.

Dan aku masih tetap sama. Hanya ingin tahu. Memaafkankah Tuhan atas segala kesalahan?


http://kurniawangunadi.tumblr.com/post/68363882262/tuhan-dan-rahasia

I stumbled onto a beautiful post on tumblr today.
It is like Allah knows what I need; a tumblr suggestion and somehow I was interested to read it.

Surah Taha is a very powerful surah where Allah emotionally consoles the Prophet (sws). In ayah 7, Allah says: “And if you speak out loud - then indeed, He knows the secret (As-Sirr) and what is [even] more hidden (Akhfaa).”

Shaykh Abdul Nasir in his tafseer of Surah Taha describes how As-Sirr is an extremely private secret, a very deep dark secret that you tell someone in confidence, or something that think to yourself. Akhfaa is something that is in your heart and not shared; something you dare not even speak to anyone else or something that you haven’t yet even formulated a thought about. Allah says that if you say something out loud, then realize that Allah even know that which is As-sirr, your private, quiet secrets and that which is even more hidden than a secret.

This ayah is a consolation for the Prophet sws because the Prophet (sws) is going through a lot in Makkah, he is working himself extremely hard, he is worried and concerned for his people and for us, he is staying up at night praying and crying to Allah- Allah tells him that you cried out loud, you begged, you spread your hands out…your prayers are being heard, they are understood because Allah even knows that which your heart is still containing and hasn’t been said…Allah is always there. & This is a reminder for us too.

There are moments or days that completely break & exhaust us and leave us with our hands spread, crying and begging before Allah and sometimes the thought crosses our mind of whether or not Allah hears us or if our du’as are being understood. During these moments, this ayah is a consolation for us too. Allah hears what we cry out loud, those moments where we can’t contain ourselves anymore but Allah also knows what is deep inside of us…things that we are still holding in, deep in our hearts- Allah understands everything. You and I have a Lord that turns to us as soon as we turn to Him with a sincere heart. Bear patiently & trust Him, you and I are never alone. “…We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein.” [50:16]

copied from [here]

I am speechless, beyond words.
Aku yang makin buruk perangai, tak menjaga ibadah tiba-tiba Dia hadiahkan sesuatu yang sangat dekat.
I feel like a loser but He noticed me. TT__TT

Aku tak pasti doa mana atau doa siapa yang Dia makbulkan...

Semoga Engkau lindungi kami dari kejahatan diri kami sendiri.

I need to stop worrying unnecessarily.
Unless it is something emergency, I have to stop thinking about unfinished work.

Ya Rabb,
Enough of palpitaion.
Enough of disturbed sleep.

I need to be able to be comfortable.
I need to learn to sort things in my life.

Help me ya Allah as this is only the beginning of my path.