Day 1: Bangalore

Catching up with my date. Eh I meant my bag.

The smile on your face let me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall

You say it best, when you say nothing at all

lagu yang tengah main kat cafe ni -__-"

Sometime stupidity gets the best of you
that you put someone's else feeling at stake
So stupid that only when the damage is done
you finally realized it.

Maybe it is not the stupidity that lead to this
Maybe it just that you are selfish
Thinking that the person would be fine if it happened
But you couldn't take it for yourself.

I wish self-punishment can undo the stupid things that I have done.
But the heart, once it break it is hard to mend.

So here I am sitting in the corner of a dark room
trying hard not to make any sound
because I couldn't face myself for the things I did
I am scared that my existence just to invoke pain in other people.

Because it is easier to lose your anger

.....because it is easier to lose your anger than to contain your anger,

sometimes I feel that I am stupid when I didn't get angry because 'people' said,
"why you have to be nice? you have to be rude to them because otherwise they won't do their job."
"if you keep on being nice, they will take advantage of you."

I am not stupid. I just do not want to be angry and I believe we can still get things done even we by being nice we need to do extra work and have more frustration.

Most of the time I am glad I haven't shouted to anybody yet, because I will regret it later. I feel that the feeling is worse.



But today I am so angry.
I wanted to shout to people who sent patient for reference to wrong doctor. (I have been in the opposite side and get scolding)
I wanted to shout to patient that has very low tolerance to pain that it make it hard for me to do her dressing because she will move her foot and if you hold the foot, she started to move her leg then her whole body will be twisted around, the betadine will soaked on the bed, the wound get contaminated and I can't even do her dressing properly and she still has the nerve to ask me how long this wound will heal. how many days? ( I wanted to give one stare at her, raise my voice a bit and walk off after giving her the gloves and dressing tray and ask her to do it herself.)
I wanted to say not-nice-things to people who demanded me to do his work when all this while I kept my voice down because I am doing him a favor. For a month. And to make it worse I wanted him to do it himself tomorrow because I want to take leave but not granted.

I try to reason with myself. I know that it is bad to lose your temper. After all the strongest man is the one who can control his anger but today I am so frustrated. Oh God!
I wanted the people know what they are doing is wrong. I don't want them to take advantage of the 'nice' me but when I think about it, maybe those people does not deserve it, you know. I mean if we keep on thinking like this, everybody will shout to anybody. ( ...like that hasn't happened yet *rolling eyes*)


Ya Allah, help me to control my anger, grant me sabr like Rasulullah when he dealed with people, grant me wisdom to choose righteous path over foolishness.

“Before you embark on a journey of revenge,dig two graves.” 

― Confucius