acah-acah post writer block

I have few pending ideas to write in my blog. Blog dah bersawang, maklumlah bukan ‘in thing’ sekarang tapi itu bukan sebenarnya niat untuk tulis blog pun. Kalau semata-mata nak ikut perkembangan semasa sampai bila lah kesampaian.

A few days ago, I stumbled upon this post on tumblr.

Obviously the first response would be: 

Awwww *buat mimik muka yang cakap so sweet*

But then again, dah lama duduk tak buat apa kat rumah ni aku pun dah rasa macam katak bawah tempurung. Aku dah jadi seorang yang pessimist. Tak rasa macam that someone could be me, I mean that someone would pray to be with someone like me. Are you serious? Aku sendiri pun kadang-kadang rasa nak keluar dari menjadi diri sendiri dan menjadi orang lain. Tu la masalah aku ni. *gaya masalah besar je*

“You cannot love anyone before you love yourself.”

Gituuuuuu bak kata orang puteh. Tapi susah sebenarnya nak sayang diri sendiri when we know that we are full of flaws. Tak payah nak introspect sangat, dah terang-terang banyak kekurangan. Jadi teruslah kau menyenaraikan segala kekurangan (ikut kriteria kau), dari muka tak licin macam telur dikupas, kulit kusam, bentuk badan tak flattering, suara garau tak ayu langsung, tak cukup ketinggian, rambut tak ikal mayang panjang mengurai. Tak termasuk lagi ciri-ciri lain, tak cukup solehah, tak betul-betul menjaga aurat dan pergaulan, tak jaga kelakuan etc. Tak menang tangan kalau nak senaraikan semua kekurangan di mata manusia.

Kalau jenis kekurangan yang boleh nak diubah tu takpelah (by this I mean akhlak). Kalau dah nak mengeluh pasal pendek, muka tak lawa, suara tak sedap itu melampaulah kan. Dah anugerah tuhan kenalah bersyukur. Lagi rasa tak cukup sampai bila tak akan cukup.

The truth is, the more we feel that our exterior, our body is not good enough, the more we neglect our interior, the spiritual needs when it should be the other way round. Kan?

Maggie Carpenter: I wanted to tell you why I run - sometimes ride - away from things. 

Ike Graham: Does it matter? 

Maggie Carpenter: I think so. 

[takes a deep breath]  

Maggie Carpenter: When I was walking down the aisle, I was walking toward somebody who didn't have any idea who I really was. And it was only half the other person's fault, because I had done everything to convince him that I was exactly what he wanted. So it was good that I didn't go through with it because it would have been a lie. But you - you knew the real me.

Ike Graham: Yes, I did. 

Maggie Carpenter: I didn't. And you being the one at the end of the aisle didn't just fix that.

Look! Even Maggie was scared.

I personally thinks that Maggie was scared not only because she doesn't knows herself well enough but because someone else knows her better. It's like you are still dreaming/pretend that you are still wearing mask but the other person already knew who you are. You cannot hide anymore. There is no place to hide, you no longer have place to run and keep the secrets to yourself.

No, I am not the best person to motivate you not to be scared and to know yourself well first. I am still having the struggles among other things. Yes, sometimes ignorant is a bliss but most of the time it could be disaster. Ignorant just buys you time to learn about the truth and be prepared for it.

Truth: We are all ugly. 

But Allah hides all our flaws and makes us beautiful in the eyes of human.

So be happy if you think you are ugly, after all that is the truth, right?
No one is perfect. And knowing that we are not good enough gives us space to fix the imperfections but you shouldn't be discouraged or sad instead, you should be grateful of what you have. May Allah showers you with mercy because you are grateful and helps you be the person with perfect imperfections. After all, Allah sees your progress not the outcome. So do not crush your dream to be beautiful, yeah?

Beautiful according to al-Quran and Sunnah.

It's funny about people's faces. If you look at them long enough they stop being beautiful or ugly and just become themselves. Then you see they couldn't be any other way because that person's life has formed his face, and if you love him you love his face the way it is.
-The Society of Others, William Nicholson

nota kaki:

• I re-read my rant, unpublished post as I couldn't remember what it was. It was sad, almost hurtful but Alhamdulillah I forgot about it until I read it again. *hide the post far-far away*