I wonder how, I wonder why

While watching a movie called 'Bound & Babysitting', Alex was saying that the guy that Maggie thought didn't like her because she is ugly with braces and acnes, maybe like her so much but felt intimidated because she was smart and beautiful.

I wonder if it is true.


Honestly, I never felt like I was pretty or good enough. I thought that no guy would ever like me. No one ever showed me the slightest hint that they might like me. (Or I was too oblivious). To simplify: no one ever approached me as contrast to my other friends. Stress kot jiwa anak muda sebab dalam satu geng takde budak laki suka kau tapi kawan-kawan kau semua ada peminat. Even kalau bercakap pun, budak laki akan berborak gelak happy je bercakap dengan member dalam geng aku tapi bila bercakap dengan aku macam nak taknak je. Aku tak makan orang pun. In fact, once you get to know me and I fell comfortable, I would talk non stop.

So I jumped into conclusion that I was ugly.

I wonder if it is true.


And then I grew up. I learnt about grooming and a little bit about make-up. Just enough to enhanced my appearance. Takde la nampak macam orang tak mandi dan takdelah macam tepung gomak. Just to boost up my self esteem and make myself more appealing. But still things are the same.

I feel like I repel people, guys especially.

I wonder if it is true.


Maybe in the end I would learn that Allah is protecting me from such nonsense. Maybe. Just maybe.

Or maybe I am just too pretty and smart and charismatic and succesful and...(I have to stop because then it would be a lie. I don't know if lying on the couch while watching TV and enjoying Milo ais could be consider as succesful)