maybe it will all make sense. eventually.

Right now I hope what has happened aren't true because deep inside I am longing for it. Maybe the wound is still there, maybe it's still bleeding or maybe I am the one who keeps on picking the scab. I asked for the proof and the proof is  in front of my eyes, what else I demand for me to finally accept the truth?

This ain't easy.

hidup akan mati

I feel like it has been a while since I post an entry. I mean a proper one. *sigh*
A while ago i thought and i wish to just vanish from the 'virtual world' but then again, it holds too much memories, something that i find it hard to let go. To pretend that i never wrote a blog. It's my baby! (sudaahhhhhhhh.... dia buat perangai gedik pulak~ *juling mata*) 

Actually I dont have anything particular thing to write at the moment.
tadi nampak ada orang tulis kat facebook status;

kawan skolah rendah dan skolah agama dolu..main same2 kat skolah agama..
still mengingati almarhum seorang yg comel dan berbakat besar
Allah lebiyh sayangkan kamu..
semoga ditempatkn dlm kalngn hamba allah yg beriman dan beramal soleh
inshaAllah berbahgia di sana..ameen

then she tagged this particular name and i being the curious cat, clicked on the profile because her name sounds familiar. i saw her profile picture, well nothing much actually. it just a flower with acronyms of her photography bussiness (i think so...)

my mind started to work, tried to recalled an instagram profile that i 'stalked' this morning and few days before. i believe that it was the same person.
maka terus capai phone, bukak akaun instagram, taip satu nama.

her recent photo was uploaded 13 hours ago.
no single sign that it will be the last photo.
i saw the same photo this morning. i was surprised actually to see those comments, to know my instinct was true.

i bet she didn't expect this, she never was.

Al-Fatihah for her.

she was young. i am young too.
like my adik junior said when her brother passed away;

"syarat mati bukan tua. syarat untuk mati adalah hidup."

....and I am very much alive right now.
I don't know when is my time.
I pray to Allah that when it is time, it will be the best time of my life. i want to meet HIM in my best condition of Imaan.

ameen, ameen, ameen ya Rabb.





nota kaki:

• This girl, she just graduated and about to get married in October. But who we are to challenge His plan? Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiun~ 
• Perempuan yang bertunang di dalam gambar tu bukanlah empunya instagram. She is also well and alive like us.

28 Ramadhan

walaupun dah buat banyak biskut raya, tapi

Ada rasa kosong, tak terisi.
Ada rasa hilang, tak berganti.

O Allah,
Enlighten what is dark in me
Strengthen what is weak in me
Mend what is broken in me
Bind what is bruised in me
Heal what is sick in me
Straighten what is crooked in me
Revive whatever peace and love has died in me

Ameen...