5 hari ber'camping' di labour room

I am done with my 5 days labour room posting. Baru je habis dan balik hostel pagi tadi. pheww~

Alhamdulillah. 

This baby is delivered by me. I helped the mother to deliver this baby. Pendek cerita, aku yang sambut bayi ni. 

Maybe I will blog about this later, or maybe not. I don't know.
I have to write 20 cases, complete 20 case sheets in Obgyn journal which to be signed and submitted within 7 days.

Will have preliminary exam, starting on 5th Nov.
Tak sempat nak studi pun.

I am so tired now.

...the world is not a wish-granting factory

One fine evening when she saw me carrying a small box in my hand,

"Kak dila beli apa tu?"

"Buku." Smiling when I showed her a few books that were just delivered by the postman.

"Akak ni ulat buku betul la."

"Taklah. Ulat bulu je."

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Ever since my laptop had given up to perform the normal function (in other word: it is dead) I had to find the way to entertain myself. Not that I have nothing to do, in fact I have tons of case sheets to write, journals to fill in, homeworks that demand more writing plus all the books to read for upcoming exam. (None of it have been completed till now, especially the studying part. *sigh*) But all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl, no?

Truth is I just want to get away. I dreamed of vacations. But I can't just walked away so I found escapism in books.

****NERD ALERT****

So there's one book that I am reading, currently on page one-eighteen. Lets just admit it, I am in love with the book. I'm not sure it belongs in which genre. Young adult maybe?

"So this book, is it about mystery?"
"Nope."
"Is it like your 'circus book'?"
"No. The Night Circus is more like fantasy. This book, ummm.....its like..."
"Ok, what is it about?"
"...about this girl and this boy, they suffered from cancer." 

The sentence abruptly stopped there though it continued in my mind but I just don't seems to find the right word to capture the essence of the book and I don't want to do injustice to such a nice book.

To be honest, this is just a normal book. Nothing mysterious or twisted as such. The characters are very much typical teenagers except that they are dying because of cancer. But I love how the writer brings the character to life, captures the souls, and it is beautiful and feels sincere enough. Beautiful tragedy? 

No, it is not like Khaled Hosseini's book where it is full of tragic, heart-breaking moments that I have to take a break from it before I can continue reading the same book because it just too much of what my heart can take. No, it is not like Dan Brown's book where you unravelled the mystery and have an adventure as you heading to the last page. No, it is not a beautifully constructed romantic love story.
It is just a normal book about normal life, about the reality. 

Like Markus Zusak said about the book, 

" A novel of life and death and the peolple caught in between. You laugh, you cry and then you come back for more."

However, let just face it: I have not read much books in my life to make a great deal about it. I might be exaggerating of how good book is. 

So, read and judge it as you pleased.

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This is how I feel after reading page one-nine-five:

I realised that as much as we want to live our dreams, to fulfil those dying wishes and do whatever it takes to succeed in life, it wouldn't hurt as much not to have what we called "dream come true" but surely it hurts like hell to hurt those who matters to us, to make their life miserable just to make things work for us. 

Its like a grenade has exploded inside your heart, breaks all the walls you made, ruins everything you had and to make it worse, you might lose your dear one in returns for you unfulfil need, you didn't get what you want and they have to suffer because you are such a failure. And sorry doesn't seems to undo everything. 

But then of course, those who truly loves you won't care much about it, to be with you during ups and downs of your life are more than enough though maybe you just taking advantages here and manipulating them quite a bit, but they do not care because they care about you so much.

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I have always love to read. Not those piles of medical books of course. I like to play around, care-free. Yet I made a decision a little while ago to join the medical course. The one that you ought to be serious and not-having-much-time-for-yourself kind of life, which mean a very less chances to indulge in good books again. (Not that you can play around with other people's life.)

But then again, maybe this is all I want despite all the things I hate about becoming a doctor. I mean it is nice to know that somehow you are needed in society.

Nota kaki:

• Pardon my horrible grammars, it must been a sore to the eyes to read those. If you are a grammar-nazi, you must be tempted to erase those and rewrite it in properly contructed sentences and grammatically correct. But sadly you can't do as you pleased as it is my writing. So just bear with it.

We can be good and it is not bad

Today I learned something valueable. Its about being kind to other people.

These 9 days, we're having medical exhibition. I am the so- called volunteer for Department of General Surgery (padahal kena ugut cakap kalau tak datang walaupun sehari kena detained for one semester). Kerjanya tiap-tiap hari kena datang dan explain the charts about various diseases, specimens, instruments used for surgery, suturing demo etc.

Yesterday and today, I was explaining about laparoscopic surgery to these peoples. Yes, it was very tiring and boring. It's like my brain was programmed to spit the same words over and over again. Dalam bahasa inggeris la sebab mana reti nak cakap hindi/kannada segala bagai. Rasa macam tak cukup nafas, tak sempat nak telan air liur sebab ramaiiii sangat orang datang. They keep on coming one after another. Barisan memang bapak panjang laaaaa. Siap sampai gate luar lagi. Phewww~

Ada dua barisan tapi tu pun dah nak sampai pintu pagar.

Budak sekolah tengah beratur 

Though it feels like thousand million times explaining the same thing, walaupun rasa macam, "Penat ah! Lantak la diorang ni takde sape nak explain. Aku tak larat dah!" tapi cuba jugak pujuk diri untuk senyum. Tetap jugak cakap ayat yang sama sebab aku rasa untuk aku mungkin dah berjuta kali tapi untuk orang ni mungkin kali pertama tahu pasal laparoscopic surgery ni. Bila kenangkan betapa lamanya kena beratur semata-mata nak tahu dapat sesuatu dari pameran ni, betapa pakcik makcik ni simpan harapan besar supaya ada anak cucu yang akan jadi doktor, aku jadi tak sampai hari untuk buat endah tak endah. Teringat semalam, ada guru pengiring tu dia cakap camni, "...it is good that you are explaining something because until now no one has ever explain anything."
(Sebab barisan panjang sangat, jadi kalau explain nanti jadi traffic jam kat situ.)

Aku macam, "...err, takpe la. Cakap je dila. Walau dyorg tak faham sepatah ape pun aku cakap, walau untuk 30 saat cakap laju-laju, grammar ke laut, cuma perkataan; no open-camera-tv-operation." (sebab ni words yang orang tak faham english pun boleh tau maksud dia.)

MEDICAL EXHIBITION

*    *     *      *      *

This got me thinking actually about the days when I will finally become a doctor.
Tahu akan penat sangat-sangat. Tahu akan rasa nak muntah buat benda yang sama je. Tahu akan kena maki je nanti. Takpelah, mungkin susah sikit. Takpelah buat benda sama pun, tapi untuk pesakit itu adalah kali pertama. Layankan saja, because we always get excuse when we are the first-timer, no? Lagipun orang tengah sakit kot.

Moga Tuhan bagi aku kuat nak senyum bila aku penat rasa macam boleh tido tepi jalan. Moga Tuhan bagi aku sabar walau rasa nak hempuk je kepala orang. Moga Tuhan tunjuk jalan untuk kita.




Nota kaki:

• Laptop dah rosak. Jatuh hari tu pastu terus hilang ingatan, skrin hitam je. Motherboard rosak kot. (Memandai je aku hahaha) Memang pun dah lama sakit dan aku rasa tak berbaloi je nak baiki jadi kita tunggu je la duit berkepuk jatuh dari langit untuk beli laptop baru, mana tau boleh beli Macbook Air sebijik ke hahahaha #beranganjelebih